Saturday, April 12, 2008

Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5








This entry was originally published on
Yahoo 360 on January 30, 2007

You can tell when I turn off the television and plug in the CDs . . . I do that when I need to think or can't turn off my thoughts. Maroon 5 is one of the first CDs I bought after JR died and listened to endlessly for the longest time. I've mentioned before that a song can take me back to a particular place and time in my life. This song takes me back to the days that I would sit in my favorite recliner in my bedroom which is the most comfortable place in my house for hours, maybe days at a time . . . in the dark, like a zombie . . . not really knowing what to think. A time when it was very hard to breathe. Although it was one of the most horrific times of my life, the song is still a comfort to me as it was in those days . . .








Harder to Breathe
Maroon 5

Lyrics:

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to f***** tread the ground that I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cuz its gettin harder and harder to breathe



It is the coldest night so far this year, possibly freezing temperatures . . . not a common thing in my part of Florida where we enjoy a subtropical climate most of the year. What is it about cold nights that make me feel so lonely? As I got the bad news of the falling temps on the local news, I thought of a line in this song . . . "When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love." The emotionally cold feeling of sitting in that recliner in the bedroom, coming to terms with the fact that I would never see my husband again hits me as it did then. What is really strange is that this song is a comfort to me . . . it is a reminder that I am alone, I am lonely and I miss my husband. Figure that one out . . . it is confirmation of a bad thing! Four years later, it is a confirmation of my emotional progress.

I can also relate to that little girl who "cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams" . . . I have since figured out that the monster is my fear of being alone forever . . .







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